Below are the most common symptoms/problems faced by adults who were abused during childhood. This is not a complete list, just the most common problems. The response to abuse varies and people will generally have many of these difficulties. These symptoms/problems all stem from the mistaken/limiting beliefs each person developed as a result of childhood abuse. With each symptom are listed possible mistaken beliefs that might match up. However, never assume that any belief you have in mind is accurate until you present it to you client and see that their response/recognition is congruent.

Also, remember that some of these mistaken beliefs will be so familiar that they are invisible to your client. Although they may even be using the exact wording of the belief as they speak to you, (i.e. "It's all my fault, everything is always my fault."), it may still come as a shock to them when you put it into the same words and reflect it back. Seldom are people consciously aware of the mistaken beliefs that operate their behaviour and life.

Lack of confidence:
This is the most common symptom and it stems from mistaken beliefs, developed in childhood, of guilt and an innate sense of 'badness' or feeling defective. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I'm not good enough. I'm ruined. I'm bad. It's all my fault.)

Low self esteem:
This feeling is often associated with the person's outward appearance, believing they are ugly and repulsive, regardless of what they actually look like or positive input they may receive, but is also associated with their inner feelings of not being 'enough'. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I'm not good enough. I'm ruined. I'm contaminated. I'm bad. I'm ugly, repulsive)

Strong feelings of inadequacy:
A belief of innate 'badness', guilt and blame prohibits personal achievement, that in turn is followed by self sabotage. This person's vocabulary will be full of 'I can't' statements. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I'm bad. I ruin everything. I can't win. I don't deserve happiness. It's always my fault.)

Inability to trust:
When trust in a respected and trusted adult, particularly a parent, is broken at an early age, the child quickly learns to believe that no one can be trusted. As an adult they will be unconsciously responding to the belief that others will let them down. Often victims of abuse will sabotage friendships and intimate relationships by initiating a cut off from the person they care about. It seems easier to cut off and hurt yourself before others have a chance, particularly when you believe the hurt is inevitable. This cutting off is often done by setting unrealistic tests for the person cared for, when the test is failed, the person's belief that no one can be trusted is strengthened. That in turn strengthens the feeling/belief that it is safer to stay behind emotional walls.

Others believe that they will not be accepted if others know about the abuse. Although most are crying out for love and acceptance, their fear and erroneous belief system keeps them trapped within themselves, feeling isolated and hopeless. (Mistaken beliefs may be: No one can be trusted. I can't trust myself. People will hurt me. There is no safety. To feel is to be unsafe/vulnerable. I can never tell. I can never be known. I'll always be trapped with hurt ? there is no way out.)

Problem relationships:
Many symptoms on our list (sexual dysfunction, inability to touch, inability to trust, etc.) cause serious relationship problems.

Victims of abuse often choose an abusive or inadequate partner because damaged personalities feel more familiar and 'normal' to them. This is because the experience of growing up in a dysfunctional family causes dysfunctional people to seem familiar and it is natural to be drawn to what is familiar.

Some people choose an inadequate partner as a result of believing that their own 'unworthiness' prohibits a partnership with a 'nice' person. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I'm bad. I'm ruined. I don't deserve happiness. I should be punished. I don't count. I'm not good enough. No one can be trusted. I'm unlovable. I'm useless.)

Sexual dysfunction:
Approximately two thirds of people who are sexually abused as children are sexually repressed, while the remainder are often promiscuous. Many lack accurate sexual knowledge and therefore do not have proper information of their body functions or sexual organs. Many have become frightened of their sexuality, believing that their bodies are dirty or shameful. Some have had many sexual experiences but have not shared love with those partners. Others may use sex as a way of gaining acceptance or as a manipulative tool (learned behaviour). Still others put up a mental block concerning their sexuality, sex no longer matters.

There are some who enjoy a full sex life, however these are usually people who were given some support and proper information at the time of (or since) the abuse and who have a supportive, emotionally healthy and loving partner. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I'm bad, dirty, ruined. I'm defective. I don't count. I'm contaminated. I'm not important. I don't deserve happiness.)

Food/drug/alcohol abuse:
Food abuse can be manifested by either anorexia or bulimia. Some people who have experienced abuse sometimes hold the erroneous belief that they will not have to face their sexuality if they are unattractive. It is also another form of self punishment.Those who are obese can also use food as a form of comfort and their excess weight as a defence against feeling small and vulnerable. Drug or alcohol abuse can be used as a form of self punishment, a dulling buffer, a comfort/crutch or a memory blocking devise. American statistics substantiate that a large number of drug and alcohol abusers were sexual abuse victims during childhood. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I'm bad. I don't count. To be ugly (or fat) is to be safe. I deserve to be hurt/punished. I'm not important.)

Low or over emotional control:
Some people will perceive ordinary stressful situations as a crisis, resulting in that person going into shock or emotional shutdown. They are often termed 'dramatic or hysterical types'. Others are in a fairly consistent state of emotional and physical numbness, not much really 'gets' to them.

Those people who have low emotional control are generally seen to over react very quickly, easily bursting into tears, having outbursts of anger, pacing agitatedly, laughing loudly/inappropriately and generally appearing demanding and vulnerable. This behaviour may temporarily give a sense of comfort from the attention received, but comfort is short lived because the attention is usually negative. Surprisingly enough, a connection is seldom made by this person between their behaviour and the response people give them. Their inappropriate behaviour has become a second skin, and to them, it feels right. In their point of view, the other person is wrong.

Some people are extremely over controlled emotionally, almost robot?like. They are often terrified of their anger, believing that to show any strong emotion could cause them to lose control and give into the violent rage they fear. At other times over control stems from the misguided childhood belief that the less emotion displayed, the less chance of being noticed; a hope that this control would lessen the risk of further abuse - it is an illusion of safety.

Some children learned that they had no rights to emotion, therefore finding it difficult to laugh, cry, complain or even express an opinion. Parents or carers may well have crushed any sign of emotion from these children from an early age. As adults they often build an invisible wall around their feelings, promising themselves that no one will ever see the pain they have suffered, no one will be allowed in to hurt them again. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I don't count. It's not safe to have feelings. I can't be known. No one can be trusted. Hurt other people first. People will always hurt me. I'm bad. I'm not important.)

Panic attacks:
Panic attacks can include the following physical symptoms: Difficulty breathing, throat closing up, heart racing, vision changes, sweating, shaking, nausea, desire to run, feeling out of control, feeling trapped, desire to scream, feeling like your going to pass out, feeling like your body will explode and a fear that you are going crazy or will die.

A full blown panic attack is terribly frightening. Panic attacks are triggered by some thought, smell, taste, sound, feeling or action that somehow reflects the abuse suffered in childhood and most of the time the victim does not have a clue what that trigger might have been.

Some people who have not yet remembered abuse suffer from panic attacks and are understandably very confused about the cause. Panic attacks seem like they come from nowhere, but there is always a trigger. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I have no control. I will always be unsafe. There is no safety.)

Phobias:
Phobias can be a form of self sabotage, self punishment, an underlying feeling that; I am not worthy to enjoy life, therefore if I cannot function properly then I will not enjoy life.

It can also take the form of a distraction. When a person has a serious phobia or illness to deal with then the fear of facing the deep emotional scarring of childhood abuse can be put off. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I deserve punishment. I don't count. I'm bad, dirty, contaminated, ruined.)

Illness:
Emotional trauma that has never been resolved can produce physical illness. Migraines, stomach disorders, asthma, skin disorders, bowel disorders, back problems, gynaecological problems and general aches and pains are the most common. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I'm bad, dirty, contaminated, ruined. I deserve punishment. I don't count. My body is bad.)

Self-harm:
Common examples are: biting or clawing limbs, cutting body with razor blades or knives, burning body with cigarettes, repeated bruising injuries or banging head on the wall or with an object, but self-harm can be as inventive as a person's imagination makes it.

Self-harm is sometimes used by victims of abuse to control their experience of pain. It can also provide an intense feeling of relief and release that is often craved. It can be an attempt to control something in one's life; a type of self punishment; a means of expressing anger or a way to have feelings. It can be a futile attempt to call for help or needed attention . It can be manifested in both children and adults.

Sometimes the physical pain can be a distraction from the more feared emotional pain or it can be an attempt to indicate to others just how strong the emotional pain is or a place to express anger - on the only one safe to vent it towards - self. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I'm bad, dirty, contaminated, ruined. I can't be angry. I'm defective. It's all my fault. I deserve to be punished. I can't let the pain out.)

Sleep disturbances:
Reoccurring nightmares is the most common sleep disturbance. Insomnia is also a frequent experience, but others may use excessive sleep as a form of escape, a method of coping. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I'm bad, dirty, ruined, contaminated. It's all my fault. I'll never have peace. It's unsafe to be still.)

Flashbacks:
Flashbacks can be in the form of quick visual pictures, like a slide compared to a film, or in the form of feelings (emotional or physical). These often take place during intimacy, but can also accompany everyday activities or perhaps reading or hearing about other victim's abuse experience. They are triggered by some connection with the abuse through visual, auditory (a partners heavy breathing during intimacy is a common one), kinesthetic, gustatory or olfactory sources. Flashbacks are usually fragmented views of the abuse and can offer a 'way in' to a more complete memory. On rare occasions a flashback can take a video form and go on for quite a while with the client associated in the event. One was reported to have lasted four days, and for her safety, the woman was placed in a psychiatric unit for that period. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I have no control. I will never be safe. There is no safety. I'm trapped with the pain.)

Inability to touch or be touched:
This problem can be triggered by feelings of dirtiness (a fear that the other person will somehow know of the abuse and be rejecting); fear of contaminating others (an irrational thought stemming from feeling dirty and bad); low self esteem (not worthy, self punishment) and the fear that in some way, by allowing physical contact one is at risk of further abuse (loss of control, being at another's mercy). Touch may bring back memories of unwanted touch from childhood or touch which produced some pleasurable feeling but now brings shame and self?disgust. It can also reflect a fear of one's sexuality. (Mistaken belief may be: I am bad, dirty, ruined, contaminated. I have no control. My feelings are bad. I don't count. I deserve to be punished.)

Depression:
People with abusive childhood backgrounds will experience depression because they believe they will never change, their environment or relatives will never change, they are so bad and dirty that they do not belong with 'nice' people, no one understands them, etc. If a person has no memory of abuse, depression will result because there is no logical reason for the symptoms s/he is experiencing. Having said that, many people do not associate the symptoms they have with the experience of abuse, even when they do remember it. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I am bad, dirty, ruined, contaminated. I am trapped with the pain. There is no escape. I will never be safe.)

Suicide attempts:
People who have suffered abuse may see suicide as their only way out of the pain. Until recent years there was very little help offered to adults who were victims of childhood abuse in this country. Some of those who have displayed acute symptoms of abuse have been judged mentally ill and sent for psychiatric treatment. As a result of not being understood, little help was forthcoming and the client often left sessions with ill?informed psychiatrists/therapists feeling more suicidal than upon arrival.

Typical advice given (as reported by clients) was "Well, that is all in the past. Do you feel that you will abuse? No? Well then, go home and concentrate on your partner and family, find yourself something else to think about. Take your mind off it and stop dwelling on it." The inference taken was often, "I think you are wasting my time, it is a lot about nothing." With the person's last hope shattered of finding someone to help and understand, suicide may have seemed the only way left to stop the pain. This is particularly true for the person who has struggled with symptoms for a long time and feel they are in a losing battle. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I can never escape. I am bad, dirty, ruined, contaminated. There is no way out.)

High/Low Risk Taking:
Some people find they almost have a compulsion for "daring the fates". Their work or social life can be a series of very high risk taking events. On the flip side of that, there will be other people who go the opposite direction and find it impossible to take even the smallest risk. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I don't count. I'm not important. I can never be safe. There is no safety.)

Security seeking:
In stressful situations this person may actually hide or cower in a corner. Nervousness is evident when this person feels they are being watched and often they report feeling watched when no one is actually around. They are usually hyper vigilant and have a strong startle response to surprise situations, which may be followed by anger or nervousness. Often there is a need to be invisible. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I have no control. I cannot be safe. There is no safety. No one can be trusted. I cannot trust myself.)

Alienation from body:
This person is not at home in their own body, there is often a failure to heed body signals (pain, fatigue, hunger, thirst) and a lack of care for their body in either fitness or health areas. There us usually a poor body image and sometimes a manipulation of body size to avoid sexual attention. (Dovetailing with food/drug/alcohol abuse and low self?esteem listed above.) Many times this person spends much of their time in a disassociated state, i.e. 'watching' their life happen rather than experiencing it. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I don't count. I'm not important. I'm bad, dirty, ruined, contaminated. My body is bad, dirty, etc.. I am not safe.)

Aversion to making noise:
This includes sex, crying, laughing or body functions. This person is often soft spoken and may pause a lot while speaking as they monitor their words. (Mistaken beliefs may be: I don't count. I'm not important. I am not safe. Feelings are unsafe.)

Memory blanks:
People who have memory blanks of a year or several years during their childhood AND have several of the above symptoms are typical examples of people who have repressed abuse memories. This usually happens when trauma experienced during childhood is so threatening the child shuts off all memory of it as a coping mechanism.

May I also point out here, if someone has memory blanks but shows no symptoms of abuse, please don't feel obligated to diligently search for abuse or announce with the flair of Sherlock Holmes, "Aha! Memory blanks, just as I suspected, childhood abuse!". If there are no symptoms, it is probably just a case of fairly uneventful events blurring into each other and appearing as a blank.

One common experience for those with repressed abuse memories is that they will have strong emotional reactions to information concerning anything they actually experienced. Often a client will hear about some horrible experience someone else has had and be moved and upset by it - that is natural. However, when they have an over the top reaction (as though they are experiencing it) it is not natural ? UNLESS THEY HAVE EXPERIENCED IT AT SOME TIME.

There will sometimes be certain words they do not want to say and do not want to hear ? although they do not know why. Certain behaviours they cannot do or watch (often sexual in nature if it was sexual abuse) ? but do not know why. Sometimes there will be ordinary, everyday events that they cannot bear ? but do not know why. All of these will more than likely be connected with the abuse experience they are blocking off.