When many of us go into therapy we do so in the hope of getting some quick release from the distress that we are experiencing. We are often very aware that therapy is costing us a lot in terms of time, money, and energy; and understandably we want to see some immediate results. This is especially true when we are in emotional pain. A therapist however, is not like a doctor who can sometimes prescribe a cure that works very quickly. All therapy and counselling takes some time and no therapist has a magic wand to instantly take our pain away.

It is also important that you talk with your therapist about what your expectations and needs are. Just like any other relationship, the more you know and can communicate what you want and need, the better chance you will have of receiving it and speeding the process. No counsellor or therapist has a crystal ball, neither can they mind read so they will not know your needs or what you are thinking without you saying. For some people, it is easier, at first, to write down their needs than to say them aloud. It may well be that you are entering therapy for the first time and have no idea of what will happen, other than you want to feel better than you currently do. It is very important that you express all your feelings, thoughts, hopes and fears to your therapist at the start, and throughout therapy to the best of your ability. Keeping your feelings about what is said to yourself is your right, but it is not very helpful in a counselling environment if you wish to make progress. Therapy works best when it is an honest two-way process of communication, and you have an equal responsibility.

It takes time to establish a trusting relationship with a therapist, so expect it to take a few sessions before you feel comfortable.

It is important that you go at your own pace and don't overwhelm yourself. Do not try to rush things for a quick fix, or because you feel you owe it to your partner, or other oughts, shoulds and musts.

We all resist change, so do not be at all surprised if you are tempted to quit therapy just before some real changes or breakthroughs are about to happen.

Being committed to therapy will change your life. Be prepared to feel some loss and fear because of this.

Others around you may resist your changes and growth and they will usually need time to adapt to the new you.

Therapy is very often hard work, and can be emotionally draining at times. After an intense therapy session expect to feel exhausted and emotionally drained for a while.

Your therapist will not be perfect as a person, and will make mistakes, as all humans do. Hopefully he or she will acknowledge and take responsibility for those mistakes.

Sometimes, therapy can release emotions and memories that have been "locked in time" for many years, and sometimes after a therapy session you may feel like a child for a while, with a child's fears. This is less likely with PICT as there is no need to recover repressed material in order to deal with it.

It is not unusual when dealing with buried feelings and repressed memories, to actually feel that you are becoming worse than you were before you started. This is less likely with PICT as there is no need to recover repressed material in order to deal with it.

Sometimes therapy is short term, sometimes protracted. Be prepared to take whatever time it takes to get the result you want. If PICT therapy is suitable for you it tends to be quicker than most other models and styles.

Becoming a more healthy and balanced person can feel very unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first. This is both normal, and to be expected.

You should expect your therapist to have good, strong, boundaries, to be ethical and to treat you with respect. The therapist should avoid a dual relationship while your therapy is in process; and during your subsequent processing. If they do not, find another therapist.

There are many therapeutic methods, models and styles, they can't all suit everybody. We are unique, have differences and find ourselves in different situations. If you feel that the therapeutic model or style used by your therapist is inappropriate for your needs, you should talk this through with your therapist, and be prepared to change to a different style or a different person.

If during therapy you feel that you are unable to get on with your therapist, it is first worth considering that the reason you may feel the way you do might have something to do with the way you relate to others; and the very issues you need to resolve. The therapeutic relationship can often be a reflection of outside relationships, and the difficulties you similarly experience in therapy, are then important opportunities that can lead to insight and resolution. It may also be that you are becoming afraid of the change that is happening. It is wise to talk to your therapist about all these normal feelings; the way your therapist reacts can be very informative. Ultimately however, therapy is your responsibility, and if you really are unhappy with your therapist or the style you must consider looking for something new.

Finally many people believe that once therapy is complete their lives will progress smoothly; that is unreasonable. When you have changed, life will still be difficult at times. You will still be faced with problems, conflicts, loneliness and boredom, as well as achievement and success. You will still encounter the wide range of emotions, from the heights of joy and happiness to the depths of sorrow and rage. As a result of therapy what you should be aware of is a growing sense of wholeness and peace, which on the one hand enables you to enjoy the good in life, while on the other hand helps you to resolve and settle the unpleasant experiences and feelings much more quickly.

If you're considering therapy, there are many types of counsellors to choose from, including religious counsellors, lay counsellors, peer counsellors, psychiatrists, marriage, family, and child counsellors, and psychologists. There are also many types of therapeutic schools. There's talk therapy, where you sit in a room with your counsellor and talk about your experiences and express your feelings. There are counsellors who take this basic talk approach and incorporate role?playing and visualisation. Some counsellors use art, writing, or theatre.

Seeing a therapist who specialises child sexual abuse has obvious advantages as there will be certain dynamics involved in rape and abuse which may be beyond the scope and experience of counsellors who deal with general matters.

You can save time by doing some research on the telephone. The following questions may be helpful:

• Have you ever worked with victims or rape/childhood abuse?
• How long for? What kind of training do you have in this work?
• How do you work with survivors?
• What are the techniques you use?
• Is it necessary for resolution to recover memories? ~ (With PICT Therapy it is not necessary to recover memories)
• Can you work if I have few or no clear memories? ~ (PICT Therapy works perfectly well even if clients have few and vague memories, or none at all)
• Do I have to talk about the details of the abuse/incident? ~ (With PICT Therapy there is no need to divulge any details unless you want to)
• Do you see family reconciliation as a goal? Why ~ or why not?
• What role do you think forgiveness plays in the healing process? Why ~ or why not?
• What part do you think confrontation plays?
• What is the goal that you aim for with clients?
• What do you think about touching clients? (See * below)
• What degree of confidentiality do you offer? (see ** below)
• How long do you work with clients on average?
• How much do you charge?
• Is there a sliding scale or are there other arrangements to assist with the cost?

If you have issues to do with race, religion, sexual orientation, disability or some other aspect important to you such as alcoholism, eating disorders, or other specific problems you have, prepare some special questions to do with the attitude and experience of the therapist.

You may prefer to choose a counsellor of your race, economic background, sexual preference, religion, or someone who has experiences similar to yourself.

Once you've contacted a number of therapists or counsellors compare the way you felt when you were talking with each one: Whom did you feel the strongest connection with and with whom did you feel most at ease?

Mutual respect and trust are the essentials in the therapeutic process and you are also looking for someone with whom you have good rapport. When you work with a good therapist or counsellor, you should feel understood and supported. You should feel warmth between you and your counsellor early on.

* Some forms of counselling include touching and/or holding. This may be an important issue for you and this may also vary depending on the gender of the therapist. If the style of counselling offered includes touching you may wish to look elsewhere or to be able to exclude that by making it clear that you are uncomfortable with touch. No counsellor may insist on touch unless you agree.

** No therapist or counsellor can offer total and absolute confidentiality. In certain circumstances to do so would break the law; also your safety and the safety and welfare of others has to be considered.